to the threshold

I am being pushed, and I don't like it. My cosmic parent is pushing me toward the door saying, "It's a beautiful day outside. Why don't you go out and play." He knows I'll go out, unfurl, and catch the wind around me. I'll play, move, live, and breathe. It will be 'good for me'. Indeed.

But I feel insecure and unsure of what I'll do when I get out there, and partly, I just feel lazy. I don't want to go to the trouble of finding all that fun and adventure anymore. Can't I just stay inside and watch tv? Can't you just make life happen for me inside here, where it's all a bit more safe and easy? Bring me dinner, while I lie on the couch and wait for life to happen.

I want someone else to do all this, not me. I just want the benefits. Discipline is fun until you run out of energy for it. Then it sucks. Never did I realise that I would ever feel the way I feel now and would need a swift kick to get back Outside, to risk, to try.

I'm tired, and what will be the remedy for it? More 'folding of the hands to rest'? Perhaps not, but I've run out of my own ideas...

I hear the squeak of the backdoor and the screen shutting behind me.