just a place to put it down

On long days when thoughts are rocketing around in my mind about nearly anything and everything possible, I kind of feel like I am playing King of the Mountain (or Queen in my case) and fielding dirt clods from every direction. Inevitably one of them is going to catch me on the chin, forehead, or as happened many times when I was a kid, in the temple (I KNOW, this explains it ALL, doesn't it!). Well, it's about 9:30pm, kinda late to write, but by now several of these clods have exploded on my face, and I need a way to clean'em all off, so I feel like I can go to sleep tonight without them lingering. Lots of them have no import for anyone else, but I will still put them down.

So apropos of nothing...

1. Gloria and Norte, the two birds of prey near the wetlands by my house, have vanished. Developers have bought most all the area around the wetlands, but they were forced to leave a conservation easement. Trucks and Caterpillers and all manner of motorized thing have been pushing and hauling dirt, rumbling and bumbling around, pushing up clouds of diesel into the air around the wetlands. And now, the Red-Tail Hawk (that's Gloria because that's what you wanna say when you see her--Gloria!) and Norte, a male Northern Harrier, have decided it's all too busy and noisy. They breed around here every year, but their hunting grounds are turning into cleared lots and driveways. They have been my friends out on my walks since I came back to the US, part of a quiet space that still seemed set aside for animals - to be. To just go about their business of doing animal stuff. And they take my breath away, the way they hunt, they way they fly, catching the thermals, the Red-Tail's cry. I've seen many other animals out there -- foxes, coyotes, pheasants, killdeer (my favourite!), western meadowlarks, American tree sparrows, prairie dogs, rabbits, various ducks and Canada geese. I hope they don't all get so undone by all of our DOING that they decide to up and move for good. What will I do without them?

2. Landscaping in Colorado....and throughout the Southwest for that matter. We're in a season of drought and have been for the last several years. I heard a guy on NPR say it's possible the conditions are making for a time like the Dust Bowl days. And there's a lot of clamouring about water and conservation, but do people really care? Do they really give a damn? No, I don't think so. My evidence. The American lawn. 99.5 percent of Americans somehow believe that a lush green lawn is a birthright, no matter where you live, no matter the climate or the demand for resources. So, for instance, if you live in Phoenix (a DESERT), you still have every right to expect an emerald green lawn, and more importantly, golf course, where millions and millions of gallons of water will be used every year. Here in Colorado, we're just a high plains DESERT, so that must not really count either as a place that is naturally meant to be DRY. My parents have done some very cool xeroscaping and have used all native plants in their garden...and it's BEAUTIFUL. In fact, they have attracted over 85 species of birds and all sorts of animals (I named our raccoon, Bandit), demonstrating you don't have to be a water hog claiming divine right to have a pleasant place to recreate outdoors.

3. Things I must have in several locations:

Sets of keys (my former flatmate took years of convincing to believe this was not a character flaw)
Chapstick (any flavour, but must be located in several convenient locations, purse, bathroom, bedside table, car (except summer months)
Allergy meds/tissues
pens/scratchpaper
a plastic mug for water or tea or coffee (one in car, in bathroom, by bed)
gloves -- year round (Raynaud's sufferers round the world are clapping now!)
books (everywhere except bathroom...who wants to prolong that whole experience anyway? Classify under: something Ellen will never understand.)
AlkaSeltzer (because life is stressful..at least these days)
address books (of varying degrees of currency)
a fleece hoodie
i'm sure there are others, but this list is having the desired soporific effect, and i am getting tired of thinking about these trivialities.....


4. Finding a job stinks. However, since yesterday it has occured to me that maybe i have been shooting for LESS than I ought to in that wise. Perhaps i need to believe that i could get paid a decent amount of money to use the skills i have, and maybe, just maybe, someone would believe in me and hire me for a job like that. Hmmm. I'm having a rubbish day, so I feel reluctant to believe this, but something tells me I am "getting it" finally. Yawn.

5. I need to get my fishing gear tidied up, in order, ready to go for the season. The hatch is on and the fish are hungry. As a treat to myself on a low day about a month ago, I bought my fishing license for 2005. I just needed to feel like life was gonna get better and that I'd get back to doing all that normal fun stuff someday, like fishing. Do you know the thrill of putting a perfect cast onto the water, and just at the moment the fly is making its descent onto the water, WHAM, the trout is out and up and on top of the fly, leaping and straining, and pretty much dazzling the heck out of you? Wow, now that's something to fall asleep thinking about...certainty of lovely, sun-kissed dreams...ah...

Goodnight.