my doing

I'm back at the blogging thing...at least...I have energy for it for today...who knows about tomorrow.

Decision:
Talking about The Journey and Doing it are two different things. Zillions (no exaggeration, I am sure) of what I call "standing outside yourself" posts are beamed up to the blognet daily by lots of people who wanna talk about this big, phat journey we are part of: this following Jesus, this Process, this often cryptic and mysterious, and no matter what, whether we like it or not, this conveyor belt towards eternity and The End. And I tire of incessant blether about it all...pointless, parenthetical commentary on what we look like from a corrupt and slanted inner eye, which does lots of supposing and conjecturing but fails in actual perception of what IS. We miss the mark. I miss the mark.

I stand on the precipice of the What's Next for me, in my life, on my Journey. And I am scared. And my stomach turns wondering where this new state highway will take me. I've no money, no job, a complicated family, and a grab bag of personal crap that I would like to get worked out. And I feel angry at all the above-noted BS that masquerades as poignancy and depth that I read in blogs or in the news. We are fascinated with talking about how the Journey might turn out or what mutations it might suffer over time....we wonder and wonder and wonder about it all. And while we're doing all that wondering...the Journey marches. It goes on but we're sort of freeze-frame several steps behind and the real show lives and moves and breathes. And we watch it as it takes place -- from a distance -- objectified but not experienced.

So, I blog tonight, because these words and this writing are ME and they are my DOING, right now, today for today. I do not know what tomorrow holds. And I want to shake my fist at all that irrelevant din and shout, "you're stuffed!".....full of yourself but no wisdom....you tell me of something to come that you do not know and will never set your hand nor your heart to...you falter in what is most necessary: courage.

Grrrr and no apologies for it.