ya basta...ENOUGH already!

Some of you have encouraged me to try blogging more often, getting stuff out there in a more shoot-from-the-hip style. Some of you that I read do that yourselves, and I am always amazed at what that spiritual discipline yields: profound insights, witty observations, wry, sideways looks at what's going on around you. In amongst the quotidian and mundane, of course.

I could really use an order of that banal stuff right now. I am sick of DEEP MEANING. (At least for the next hour or so.) I continue the waiting game with jobs. FYI for those of you waiting along with me about that one job I felt I was possibly going to get: after six weeks of deliberating, their "committee" decided on someone else. Fine. Glad I don't have to work with that kind of indecision on a daily basis, but way to drag it out, guys! Have they forgotten the torture of being on the other side, of being the one waiting for the decision?

I have noticed that the trigger of a lot of the DEEP MEANING that I seem flooded with at this time in my life is waiting. Have I mentioned how much I hate, despise, am fed up with, scream, shout and spit at WAITING? Well, I have reached the colmo ..... the apex....the height of it, and it's making me want to do strange things like chew my fingers off or pull out my eyelashes.

Job, relationship (yes, of the male/female variety), future, church....(fill in a litany of stress/anxiety causing items)....I feel I am in waiting hell. Do any of these parts of life go in a straightforward manner for anyone? Honestly, I don't want to compare, but sometimes I hear the cheery stories of friends who did things like apply for jobs that they then GOT, and relationships that got started because one person liked the other and vice versa and they then DATED, and well.... you get the picture.

My wits' end is that I have waited A LOT and I want STRAIGHTFORWARD. Give me something boring, God, today, like a timely call on a resume, or a phonecall from a guy I have been seeing (even an email would be just fine, Lord), or....blahdy, blah. My rant could go on.

So here I am today, shooting from the mouth instead of the hip because, though I am not powerless in these circumstances, there are just some things you CANNOT CONTROL. Perhaps, deep down, I do not like this fact. Perhaps, I have issues.

Ponder....

Ponder...

Perhaps, I have circled back to the top of the loop where, Enter Stage Right, here comes DEEP MEANING again.